Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize