how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
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I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
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I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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