if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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