come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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