If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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