Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize