i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
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i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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