we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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