I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
third nipple confirmed
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize