My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize