I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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