Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize