My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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