And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
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Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
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Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize