I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
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I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
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I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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