You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize