She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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