are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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