Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize