Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
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