I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
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& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
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I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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