omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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