i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
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my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
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I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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