if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
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don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
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I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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