well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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