Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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