Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
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He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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