That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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