it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
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It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
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I don't deserve a penis
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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