smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
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