Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
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I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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