Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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