I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize