I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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