Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
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This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
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Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
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