pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
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Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
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Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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