whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize