I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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