dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize