You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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