I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
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Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
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Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
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