you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
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You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
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That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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