Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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