god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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