the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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