I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize