hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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