The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
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He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
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He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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