My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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