dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize